Texting

Intelligence

A woman and man get into a car
accident. Both of their cars are totally
demolished, but amazingly neither one of
them is hurt.
After they crawl out of the wreckage, the
woman says, "Wow, look at our cars --
there's nothing left! This must be a sign
from Him that we should be friends and
not try to pin the blame on each other."
The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with
you completely."
The woman points to a bottle on the
ground and says, "Somehow this bottle
of Scotch from my back seat didn't
break. Surely God wants us to drink this
Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."
She hands the bottle to the man. The
man nods his head in agreement, opens
it, and chugs about a third of the bottle
to calm his nerves. The woman takes the
bottle, immediately puts the cap back
on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just
wait for the police."

Car Jokes - Speeding

Once a women was caught speeding 

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I woukd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha that lying bastard told you I was speeding too.