My Computer

Pappu rings a call centre:
My internet is not working properly

Officer:
Ok
Double click on "My computer"

Pappu:
I can't see your computer

Officer:
No no
click on "My computer" on your computer

Pappu:
How can I click on your computer from my computer?

Officer:
listen
There is an icon labelled "My Computer" on your computer
Ok
double click on it

Pappu:
what the hell, what is your computer doing on my computer..?

Officer:
Double click on the icon "My computer" from your Desktop Sir

Pappu:
On which Icon i've to click

Officer:
"My Computer"

Pappu:
Oh you STUPID IDIOT
Tell me where is your office. I'll come there and click on your "Computer."

Texting

All Cards Accepted

Waiter: Your Bill Sir !

Santa : Take My Card...
.
.
.
.
.. .
.
. Waiter : But Sir, This is your marriage card ! 
Santa : Then is it simply written
"ALL CARDS ACCEPTED”

Money

Peter : "I want my money now!"

Tom : "I will kill myself so thatI won't pay you

*he pulled a gun n shot himself dead*

Peter : "hahaha..... If u think u'll get away with my money ur wrong, i'l follow u until u pay me

*he takes the gun n shot himself dead as well *

Santa : was watching from a distance he laughed n said :"these guys are funny, I want to watch this till the end"....

*he also took the gun and killed himself! TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPEN AT THE END

Donkey

Two terrorists having discussion in a bar.

The waiter asks them what the discussion was about?

Terrorist :- We are planning to kill 14 thousand people and a donkey..

Waiter :- Why a donkey?

Then one terrorist says to the other,
"See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people"

Lassi

Santa was putting curd in the sea

Banta: What are you doing?

Santa : I am making Lassi

Banta : What kind of madness is this?
             It is because of you that people are
             making jokes out of our names
             .
             .
             .
             .
              Now who will drink so much lassi??

Santa!!!

Santa: Dear you have changed now
.
Girl Friend: Why? What Happened?
.
Santa: Now, when I kiss you you
           don't close your eyes
.

Girl Friend: You Bloody thief,
                 Last Time when I closed my eyes 
                 someone had stolen $100 from my purse

Santa banta Jokes - How to Drive

Santa Killed 30 people while Driving
.
Police : What Happened?
.
Santa : Sir the brakes had failed
           and on one side of the road 2 men were walking
           and on the other side there was a group of people
           Then you tell me sir what I should have done
.
Police : Drive towards the 2 men
.
Santa : Even I had the same intention but
           the 2 men ran into the group of people.

Shopkeeper Trolled

Sanata Goes to a shop
.
Santa : Do you Have Dettol ?
.
Shopkeeper : Yes
.
Santa : Is it nice and new?
.
Shopkeeper : Yes
.
Santa : Is it of good Quality?
.
Shopkeeper : Yes
.
Santa : OK Then wash your hands and give me 1 Kg of Maida [Food Substance(Powder)]

God Jokes - One Wish

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies.

They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing. Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.

The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."

Wrong Number

Wrong Number:
"Hello, Do you have a fridge"?
Man: "Yes,
         Who are you??"
Caller: "Is your Fridge Working?"
Man: "Yes its working"
Caller:"Then catch it or else ... It will run away"
.
.
.
Again call from the same number...
Caller:"Do you have a fridge??"
Man(ANGRILY): No
caller: I told you to catch it.... see it ran away.!

Santa Banta Jokes - Chess

Once Santa and Banta were playing chess.
.
Santa : Thats enough my head is paining.
.
Banta : By the way both have only one King and Rook left.
.
.
Then an expert chess player named John arrives
.
John : Ok Santa Banta lets Play Chess.
.
Santa and Banta : No, you'll defeat us easily.
.
John : Common Guys, you both and Me alone.
.
Santa and Banta : But still we'll lose.
.
John : Ok I'll play with my left hand.
.
Santa and Banta : Then Ok
.
.
Obviously Santa and Banta lose the match and John walks away
.
Santa : Its a shame for us as he defeated both of us only with his left hand.
.
Banta : You Idiot he fooled us
.
Santa: How?
.
Banta : He must be a lefty...